I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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