That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
