that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize