sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
