dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
