I got chris browned last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
