this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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