So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
