It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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