i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
