i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
