My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
