even my farts smell like vagina
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize