you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
