The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
