I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
