that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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