The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
