The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
