honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
