you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
