you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wear drunk well.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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