Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize