Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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