In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
