his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
