Apparently you make a good broom.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
