Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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