idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
