Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
