dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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