Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize