God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
