i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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