I met the friendliest cop last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
