i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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