3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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