You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
