Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize