I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
