omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize