Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
