There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
