Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
