I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
