Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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