Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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