I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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