hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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