The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
