life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
