my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
