My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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