My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
