fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
