Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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