how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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