thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
