i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
