its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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