im about as happy as oj after his trial
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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