i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
