Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
