You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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