You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
