i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
