I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
