go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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