I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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