Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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