Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
